You are all welcome to comment on this one! Any feedback would likely bring about a quicker realization of this dream!
You see, the other day, I came to a stark realization--All my back pain can be attributed to the effect of what I refer to a Non-Selective Gravity. Here's what I mean.
Our children, somehow (and i believe it has everything to do with how cute they are!), have acquired somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,578,945,314.6145230 various toys and play things (please realize that one of my favorite things is random exaggeration numbers, and that I refuse to use the typical ones that everyone uses like "a million"-- ugh, that's so generic and uncreative-- so I make up real ones).
As you can imagine, most of *these toys (see the above number, which will now be abbreviated as X, in honor of my freshman algebra teacher who thought that I never listened) end up on the floor, at least once a day. We being the parents, obviously have psychological and physiological reactions to this phenomenon, both of which can lead to pain in various parts of our aging bodies, each and every time that we try to clean up X. For me, it is in the neck (pain in the neck) and low back,.. really low back,......really, really low back (i think you know what I am trying to say hear so that I don't have to say pain in the #$%).
I have also discovered throughout this learning experience, that the cerebral cortex (that's the thought-processing center of the brain), does its best work while in the inverted position. I say this because my best flash of genius ever to occur within the synapses of my brain occurred just yesterday while I was in the familiar butt-up, head-down position associated with the act of picking up X.
The flash of genius was "Selective Gravity"!
We have all heard of weightless environments. NASA uses them to condition their astronauts for space travel. Somehow, and I don't claim to understand how, because I actually didn't listen very well in my freshman science class, but somehow, they have determined how to "turn off" the effects of gravity, creating a weightless environment where they can float around in the cabin of a space craft.
Well my idea is this........Selective Gravity!
Maybe one of you who DID listen in science class could come up with a way for X to be weightless, while the rest of us and everything that belongs to us, remains effected by gravity as normal. So what I picture is toys that float at waist level. I think it is obvious why I request this of you....because of my very, very, very low back pain, that comes from bending over 32(X/2) times per day.
Can you imagine?!?! If only toys could float, then all we would need to do is have toy cabinets that are on the wall, out of the reach of the children, and when clean-up time comes, we open the doors of those cabinets, grab a leaf blower (or I suppose even a good hair dryer would work too) and blow the toys back to their respective resting places.
No bending! No straining! No having to see your husband's "plumber's crease" (no offense to you plumbers who might be reading this) as he "inverts" to pick up X.
Isn't it inspiring to think about? If you agree, please comment, or send ideas, or even better, feel free to make a cash donation to the Save Dad's Back Foundation (you can do so by sending me a private email correspondence with you credit card number enclosed in the body of the text).
Thank you, in advance for giving this serious thought.
Neil - once again you have me rolling on the floor in laughter and no I haven't had to do that in quite awhile now but will look forward to it in the near future when I become a grandma!!! None on the way so far but grandpa is getting restless and wants to use his baby horse saddle soon before he kicks the bucket or the bucket list kicks him......enjoy the science and algebra problems.....however please get some help on the pain in your lower lower lower back before your wife might want to kick it back into place! PS - am now coaching dance at Kearney HS....what has happened at Jewell with you? Shoot me an emial if you get a minute! Take care and be good!
ReplyDeleteTerri Freeman
So you want a way to make them weightless, eh?
ReplyDeleteLet's see..... move to the moon?? Yeah, I know--then everything ELSE would be weightless too. BUT think of the benefits! You wouldn't have to bend over to change diapers or clean up spilled milk, either.
But if your plans are to remain on earth, I'm afraid I have no ideas. I must not have been paying attention in science class, either.
Or maybe when the teacher was writing out that particular formula on the board, I was bending over to pick my pencil up off the floor. :)
Hey Neil, I feel with you, selective cravity would be great! Or what do you think about houseelfes?! But you know: power only grows with antagonism ( Kraft wächst nur durch Widerstand), so I wish you much success! Enjoy it! :) Uta!
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